Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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