; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
why didn't you poke me back
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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