I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
