it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
