I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
