Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
