"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
