Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dude i'm inner monologue high
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
