Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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