Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
