I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
