I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
