Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
