Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
