I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
