8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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