dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just googled if crying burns calories
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
