the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
