i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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