he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
