He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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