Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
