i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
