You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
