i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
