But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
