i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
