Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
where are my eyebrows?
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