who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You ruined the universe
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
