just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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