Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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