I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
