If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
This house was built for laser tag.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
