he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
