we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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