Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
