There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
