Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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