i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
