he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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