I looked at my own cervix.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
