Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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