does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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