My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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