I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
