I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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