lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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