You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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