i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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