Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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