We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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