my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
