I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
