I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
