new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
